There was a time when I wanted to cut my veins & calmly see the blood gushing through. Slowly forgetting every pain that I ever knew. As wet tears touched my cheeks & dried my heart & soul. I would have so much wished it could sew, in my life, the huge hole. With every drop of external pain, I would have prayed for internal tranquil. And when I would have managed to smile even in that intolerable unimaginable pain, I would have known somewhere its God's will. I would not have known if this unpardonable sin of mine would ever be forgiven, maybe because of the noble love till date to the world I would have given. As my body would start falling & my eyes close, I would just wish that if only...if only as always even in this despair I could have rose. Alas. If only. And then just before my last breath...I would wish against wish...may...may my heart now not yearn & be tempted for life more than death. For then...for then it would be too late...
~ Abhik Choudhury, December ‘09
